Due to the massive amount of skill an artist must have for them to be considered an expert at their craft, very few actually qualify for this title. Many snake oil salesmen out there like to trick the unsuspecting public into consuming a sub-par product and calling it superior. Here are just a few tips from your old buddy Dr. Saucy (Ass) Pandagrass on keeping those sickly wordsmiths from gracing your ears:
- Always research those considered the best at their craft.
- Be willing to look into alternate art forms to expand your understanding of the term 'greatness'. Look into everything from hockey to rap, and find how the greatest ever did their crafts.
- Do not listen to radio music. Instead, surf for random music online and find new bands or artists to be influenced by.
- Learn that a good beat does not automatically mean good music. Lyrics are originally what were put to music to express ourselves, DO NOT FORGET THAT!
- Recommend good music to friends and family. Bring this rapport to the table with everything you do!
If all these tips are met, you may stand a 100% solid chance at actually succeeding in avoiding the shitty stuff and keeping it real, G.
WARNING:
* Participating in such blatant anti-Instapoetry measures are sure to incite dislike in those that defend it.
* May cause drowsiness after smoking a blunt to deal with people's bullshit.
* Side effects of all this shit include but are not limited to: An inkling sense of writing superiority, many likeminded fans, an urge to buy more weed, censored mindsets, and so much more. NOT buying my books is also a surefire way to lower both your I.Q. and your sperm count, so non-readers beware!
* All this information is for satirical use only and may not be used against me in court if I shall be railroaded for my use as a non-trained but professional and technical writer. Please respect the privacy of bathos to make you either laugh or become confused and pissed off.
* Any copying of these words and use in your own without proper crediting is both looked down upon and is a guaranteed way to get a hex thrown on your thieving ass.
* Be sure to always be ready for an argument with those willing to lose a thumb over a shot of whiskey, and while you're at it, be sure to check out the new poetry shit I post here. Pandagrass is just getting started baby!
LOCUST KUSH by Dr. Saucy Pandagrass (aka Big Sal)
"Censor shells as they fall,
Lexicon luster permeates the pulchritude,
Call me 'daddy' in the hall,
Left alone in the dark with a soul abused.
Self-inflict the gnarly wound,
Phloem phones home away,
Now depict a carving moon,
Poems don't know to stay.
Pump the blood through the ventricles,
Call it a waste of time -
Sunken subs fused to chemicals,
Ball spit to face the crime.
Coka kiss for the edgers on linens,
Seal our lips like open lids,
Locusts live on the letters like lemons,
Build a bridge with broken bricks.
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